New Cooter!

The Old Cooters are HERE!

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! OK, and then you hold the plate and I get the sandwich, right?

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! You could have said, "no, Boy, that's bubble gum, don't eat that..." but all you said was "save the comic".

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! And, I say you're wrong, you DO have a shadow at night, it's just dark and you can't see it.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! I just want to know how many other best friends you have, and if you give them Chinese kibble, too.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! If God'd expected me to get this hot, He would have given me a hump.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! You mean it wasn't life-saving surgery, it was ELECTIVE?  Who elected that, you?  Tell you what, drop your drawers, I've elected to take yours.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! OK, this is "picking a bone" with someone.  Does it still seem like a good idea?  Now, give me the bone.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! With all this heat and dust my sinuses are killing me.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! I know, I feel the same way, but never, never say "If I had claws and could climb a tree..."  We'll get the little bastard on the ground eventually, and end his taunting chirps once and for all.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! There's a nice big morsel in your whiskers...other side...a little higher, back a little...not quite...tell you what, I'll get it for you.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Look, if I said it in my sleep, I can't be held responsible, you know you have to let sleeping dogs lie.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Oh, sure, sweating is clearly superior to panting.  I must look a fool, whereas you're quite handsome in your big dark wet spots and the trickles of waste water running down your face and into your collar.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! %@#&%!!!!! Deerflies!

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Barbeque huh?  You know I'd share my kibble with you any time.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Yeah, it's a beauty, and I can reach every place on my body with it.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! CHOOO!!!!!

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! ¿Qué? Usted entiende el "¿siesta"?

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh hot huh huh huh huh huh hot huh huh huh...

Cooter Dog He's a good boy! It's not your fault, your feet are huge, it was a monster chicken crap right on the step, they were bound to meet.  I honestly had no idea when I barked that you'd run out in your bare feet.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Twenty minutes of entrapped doggy sex doesn't make you a father, caring does.  Happy Father's day.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! A shadow, huh?  Pretty neat, now I know how I look from above.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Silently the big croc waits, as the unsuspecting pudgebutt, completely dry to this point, approaches the shore...

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Look, Java, it's not you, it's me.  A gal like you can't live on dried squirrel, goose crap and Chinese kibble.  Can you see yourself howling at the moon or hauling ass over teakettle for some raccoon butt?  You need chow from a can, a warm bed at night, a kind word occasionally.  Take my advice, kid, forget me and get on with your life.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Yes, at night I bark at owls now, which I can't catch, and have stopped barking at bears, which I can catch.  It was a decision based on an abundance of caution for my butt.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! I need Java and Dottie together like I need another leg to lift.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! If you don't drink from the creek and eat fromage de squirrel your immunities run down and you could get sick from eating almost anything.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Don't blame yourself, it's your odd lifestyle that does it.  After all, if I wore boots my feet would stink, too, and if I wore those tighty-whities you do, well...

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! That's actually two questions.  Tell you what, I'll tell you "where I've been" and you guess "what that smell is."

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Honestly, Dottie, Java means nothing to me, it's like she's stalking me or something, baby.  You know how I feel about bleached blondes.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! You call, I come; I bark, you don't come.  Clearly, I love you more.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Ehhh.  You won't often hear a dog say this, but licking your own butt isn't the treat you'd think it would be.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Mom, where ever you are, thank you for creating me.  Life is good, and I owe it all to you.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Here, use this for "where in Sierra County."  No one will recognize me in a beard.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! I told Dottie she slept through summer and it's winter again, and she cried a little until she realized she'd be hungry if that were true.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! I'm lolling my tongue!  I haven't lolled since the 3rd of November.  A dog needs the sun on his tongue.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! A What?  A HOTDOG!  Please tell me it isn't what I think it is.  Mom, is that you?

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Barf!  No thanks, that's cod liver oil!  I remember it from last Spring; I spent two days wondering what internal organs I lost.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Nope, you missed, Deadeye.  Tell you what, the problem is you're hunting squirrels.  If it had been a kangaroo in that tree, you'd have bagged it for sure.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Well if you knew it had to be me why did you say "who dug up the chicken carcass"?  You thought I needed the chance to be a liar as well as a grave robber?

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Of course I'd risk my life for you.  You'd risk your life for me, too, right?

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! On days like this, when it's snowing for the 160th day in a row, I close my eyes and go to my happy place.  It's called "Puerto Vallarta."

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Just keep walking, pretend you don't see me!  It's a snow game I like to play called "the leopard seal and the fat, waddley penguin!"

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! It doesn't seem possible that dogkind lives just this life, and then nothing more. There has to be something after this world.  Yet this argues that squirrels, too, have souls; and, yes, that makes sense, for what would heaven be without squirrels to send into the next world?  Wait, I guess the world after the next world.  But, that speaks of nestled universes, can that be?

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Yes, my nose is cold, I guess that's why that nice warm farmer crack looked so inviting.  Anyway, I'm sorry you bumped your head on the wheel well.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Man, I'm beat from barking all night to keep the coyotes away from your bedroom window.  I don't expect thanks.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! Looking at you? Who's looking at you?  Just go ahead and finish your sandwich, don't mind me.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! You're telling me you OWN me?  That's what that collar is, a slave collar?  You said it was jewelry.  I'll bet my nuts are never coming back from the cleaners, either, are they.

Cooter Dog  He's a good boy! What do you mean, "where did you get a goat testicle?"